Relationship Counselling


Imago relationship therapy was developed by Harville Hendrix PhD who is the author of the best-selling book entitled “Getting the Love You Want”. Dr. Hendrix founded the Imago Relationship Therapy Institute to disseminate his programme to professionals. Today the Institute has an international membership of over 1000 therapists and this dialogical process is taught in over 40 countries.

The theory explains why we are attracted to certain people and the role of conflict in a relationship. It also helps us to see how past experiences impact on our present relationships.

Have you ever wondered why you were attracted to your partner? According to Imago theory we unconsciously internalize the good and not so good qualities of the people who are close to us in childhood. These qualities create an internal image that we call the Imago. This is unconscious. We choose a partner for the purpose of healing childhood wounds. As we grow up and we start looking for a partner we unconsciously scan the environment and we are attracted to that person who matches our Imago. We will know that we have met that person when hormones and chemicals are released into our bodies and we fall head over heels in love.

In simple terms this means that the unconscious purpose of marriage/relationship is to complete our childhood and to heal one another of childhood wounds.

  • Partners choose each other to get from each other what they did not get from their parents or caretakers.
  • Because people pick a partner who is like their parents/caretakers in some ways, that person partner is incapable of giving them what they need
  • After the initial “romantic” stage this leads to disappointment and suffering.

This first phase of the relationship journey (the romantic stage), doesn’t last and is soon replaced with negative feelings such as anger, despair, resentment, pain and sadness. When this happens a person begins to question whether they have made the right choice.

This second phase of the relationship is what we call the power struggle. This is also unconscious and couples will perhaps fight, live parallel lives of discontentment – maybe seeking comfort and/or distraction in work, addictions, affairs and live a life of convenience – be it financial or for the sake of the children. This can lead to separation or divorce but this is not the answer; You can get rid of the partner but you take the problems into the next relationship.


Imago Relationship Counselling

The core skill of Imago counselling is the imago dialogue which facilitates connection, understanding and deep intimacy when the couples will experience that “falling in love” sensation all over again.

What is the difference between Imago Relationship counselling and other forms of relationship counselling?

Typically the usual models of relationship counselling involve a couple talking about their problems – they dissect, apportion blame and look for solutions. There are often negotiations, compromises and agreements which are often a band-aid over the real issue. The frustrations that a couple experience are not the real problem but a symptom of a deeper underlying problem, usually childhood wounding. Imago relationship therapy helps a couple to understand the real issue on a deeper level. When this happens they can move towards each other, connect with each other and they are able to talk in a way where they can both feel heard; They will understand each other and then can begin to have a more empathic connection to each other and the problems and issues will dissolve.

Couples who attend the sessions will learn skills that will help them to identify the real cause of conflict, how to work through it and transform their relationship.

The theory provides a safe environment to explore painful and sensitive issues.

Who would benefit from this process?

  1. Couples who would like to enrich an existing good relationship
  2. Couples who are starting a new relationship and want it to last
  3. Couples who are tired of being in an unsatisfactory relationship and want to learn how to acquire the love they want.
  4. Couples whose relationship is on the rocks and they need to make a decision about it.
  5. Couples who want to resolve intense conflict and would like to learn some tools to communicate about frustrations in a functional safe way.
  6. Couples who want to provide an attuned, safe and functional environment for their children.

So……..

  • If you are frequently thinking that divorce is the only answer
  • If you and your partner are constantly fighting about the same issues
  • If you find that discussing difficult issues always ends in a fight
  • If you or your partner are constantly expecting the other to be the same as you

Then you would benefit from Imago Relationship counselling.

You will learn:-

  • How to express how you feel
  • How to ask for what you want
  • Identify how you are contributing to the tensions in your relationship.
  • That your partner has a different reality which is not wrong because it differs from your reality.
  • What triggers your partner’s behaviour.

All sessions require the couple to come together.

Fee £55 for a 90 minute session and £45 for 60 minutes.

Contact Linda on 07708 961 073 today to book your first session!